January 8th, 2008

caricature

headaches aside, I had a good day

it was a day for a realization once again.  You may have caught that my medicaid wouldn't pay for my medications on friday, after I got my 13th spinal tap...due to the application for medicaid here in washington...which was denied...leaving a lapse in coverage.  I had to go fix that today...and was expecting it to be quite a chore with the pain in my spine and the headaches, which are decidedly worse while standing...or in bright lights.

so this morning, it was overcast...pretty well.  Chilly, and windy...so when I went outside, and began the attempt at getting the trip over with as quickly as possible...i felt strangely ok.  The headaches disappeared, the pot sank in and the music in my ears took over...and i found myself contact juggling all the way to the shuttle again...as usual.  Then, as I got to the first floor of the hospital, i was barely able to see the ass end of the shuttle taking off.

Damn...oh well...15 minute shuttle...step onto the lawn to do some contact juggling for a few minutes...the music randomly selected one of paul oakenfold's spins...

"cold cold cold your leaving me hot hot hot"

as the temperature in the air stung my lungs and ears, the sun popped out from behind the clouds...and had a small time of direct line of site to where I was standing on the lawn of the hospital...and without thinking, i turned and stared at it, as I usually do when the sun pops out to say hello here in this land of eternal rain.

Once again...i noticed the repeating ferver of my music and the sun shining down upon me...almost every time I venture out into the world these days...as it's usually cloudy here...and with a surprising frequency, it tends to happen as if on cue from my music...almost every single time.  Coincidence and syncronicity aside, it's bringing to mind (in my opinion) a sentient choice by the city to allow the small and repeated views of the sun for me...almost as if it were trying to make friends with me...giving me that little gift of light in this city of perpetual gloom.  It has drawn my attention to the fact that there is a spirit here...there is an identity...an intelligence.  More than once, I have seen clues and reminders that it is there, yet we haven't exactly met yet...that I know of...the city being still so new for me...yet I am beginning to feel it's love for me a strong as any sentient focused attention. 

Yeah, this could simply be a manifestation of my ego, or even deeper, a probable in this infinite that I draw into existence by constantly dwelling on...as I need the sun to be out so that I can contact juggle when it's so fooking cold...(if you'll remember...i'm not exactly a day person)...along with my new found obsession of solar observations in ancient times...or it could be the city, allowing her gloom to pass for a moment here and there, speaking to me almost on cue with my own music...rather than her own...showing me not to feel so alone, and so jaded as I normally do...showing me that magic does exist in the world, and all we have to do is see it when it happens.

I am...however...still as eager as always to meet this new friend...and as my rule goes...to get to know it almost if not better than it knows itself...

So many times this city has spoken to me directly...so many times...and by it's nature alone...there will be so many more times as I explore all the nooks and crannies all over my new place...

They call it the emerald city...i wonder how that factors in...hmm...imago do a bit of research on the city itself...see what i can't learn.

It's really hard...even in the throws of pain...not to appriciate the beauty and unique nature of this city...by even it's own layout...let alone the architecture...especially when it's know for it's "normal 'consistently rainy' days"...and yet...most times i go out...there seems to be just a few moments where it seems to be shining on me...almost as if it's just for me...

I see this relationship going good directions...i really do.

Well...i'm going to go rest my head...and get some sleep.  I'll have another long day ahead of me tomorrow...

ciao

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